“I started seeing in the calls of Jesus that He would call people to come and die. He would call people to turn from their sin and to believe in Him. To be reconciled to God. I started to ask some deep questions that I really hadn’t asked before.
Had I ever actually turned from my sin to trust in Christ?
Did I come to Jesus because I just wanted to go to Heaven one day?
Did I even really understand the call of Christ over my life?
Was Jesus even Lord of my life?
Or was I simply pretending?
Was I one of those people that had a mere profession of faith?
I just said that I believed but I didn’t really possess any faith.
I didn’t even really trust in Christ.
So I started examining the Scriptures and I came to this realization after a little while studying the Scriptures that I was absolutely a WRETCH! I had nothing to offer God. I had completely destroyed my family, my own life. I was lying to everybody around me about who I was. And I was overwhelmed with a sense of my own sin and shame.
Here’s the thing you’ve got to hear. There wasn’t a point really in all of this where I actually thought to myself, I’m a drug addict. Like I have the disease of addiction. I never thought anything like that. The whole context of my thinking is it wasn’t just the drugs and the alcohol…it was the sin, it was the lying, it was my rebellion against my own Creator. IT WAS MY IDOLATRY. It wasn’t just the drugs and alcohol; that I just need to get sober.
I realized this is fundamentally my relationship with God. I am a sinner against a Holy God. I was overwhelmed with a sense of my own guilt and shame. So I nearly crawled into my closet and I got on my knees and I just started praying. And I don’t, I can’t recite exactly what the prayer was, it was no magic prayers, I just essentially pleaded with God to save me.”